Archive for March, 2009
Thursday, March 12th, 2009
This first appeared on 2.26.09 as the first ever guest post on Blommit called “People Not on Facebook Need not Apply.”
First dates are completely, totally, and inexcusably obsolete. There is just no good reason for them to exist any longer.
Join me, my friends, in the quest to eliminate first dates forever. I am hereby refusing to ever go on a first date again.
And it’s not because I’m condemning myself to a life of isolation and celibacy. No, no. It’s just that I don’t want to ever again be in the awkward position of staring at the stranger in front of me and trying desperately to find something, anything, to talk to them about.
Think about the concept behind the word “relationship.” A relationship, of any kind, fundamentally can’t exist without something on which to relate.
That’s why you need context. To find out how to effectively achieve this, everybody should turn to us, the Facebook generation, and take an important lesson.
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Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
This first appeared on 2.26.09 as the first ever guest post on Blommit called “People Not on Facebook Need not Apply.”
First dates are completely, totally, and inexcusably obsolete. There is just no good reason for them to exist any longer.
Join me, my friends, in the quest to eliminate first dates forever. I am hereby refusing to ever go on a first date again.
And it’s not because I’m condeming myself to a life of isolation and celibacy. No, no. It’s just that I don’t want to ever again be in the awkward position of staring at the stranger in front of me and trying desperately to find something, anything, to talk to them about.
Think about the concept behind the word “relationship.” A relationship, of any kind, fundamentally can’t exist without something on which to relate.
That’s why you need context. To find out how to effectively achieve this, everybody should turn to us, the Facebook generation, and take an important lesson.
We wouldn’t go out with somebody before first checking out their interests to make sure we don’t have film or literary tastes that will direly clash, or you know, disagree about trite, trivial things like religion or politics. We wouldn’t agree to being confined to a dinner table with someone without cruising through their news feed to make sure they aren’t going to bore you to death by the time dessert arrives. And we definitely wouldn’t agree to a date before carefully examining each and every one of their 1,827 photos to extract hidden clues about their personality.
It’s just not efficient to sit around and tell your entire life story anymore. Not that it ever was, but there is certainly no excuse for it now. We invest an enormous about of time, painstakingly documenting and sharing the stories and images of our lives online. A potential date should want to take a little bit of time to absorb all of thatin advance, so that neither of you waste any time on something that isn’t wasn’t ever going to work out.
Sure, there will always still be a “first date,” but it won’t feel the same. You’ll be able to relate to each other already, because you’re starting out at a higher level. (That is, of course, assuming they still want to go out with you after finding you on Facebook. They could determine that you’re a total weirdo.)
So, next time, instead of giving somebody your number, give them your name and networks. Let them get to know you. Digitally.
Just don’t forget to look through their album of Profile Pictures. You can learn a lot about a person from the photos they choose as their Profile Pictures.
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Monday, March 9th, 2009
I find that most people approach writing the wrong way. They sit down at some scheduled time, and say to themselves, “Okay, time to write an entry for my blog.” It doesn’t work that way though. As much as that would be nice and convenient, you just can’t schedule ideas or inspiration.
So, you have to take notes.
I do believe that writing is something you need to set time aside for, but in order to succeed at it, you need to have a resource for finding something to write about. A method for figuring out your topic.
Personally, I do this by referencing a document called Topics, which is essentially a long collection of random statements, thoughts, phrases, and half-finished sentences that represent some larger idea that I have not yet found the time to write about. These fringe-thoughts are important to capture.
However, the content for my Topics documents has to come from somewhere. It’s actually just a compilation of all the notes I take. The best way to start putting together your own Topics document is to start writing down your ideas when you have them, instead of waiting until you actually have time to do something with them.
A few days ago, I Twittered that as much as I’d love to carry around a Moleskine to jot down ideas in style, I just can’t keep up with a notebook. Besides my wallet and keys, the only thing I can keep track of is my iPhone. So, I am always using it as my nerdy scratchpad.
I once read that Jerry Seinfeld keeps a notepad on the dresser next to his bed, because concepts for comedy frequently come to him in the middle of the night when he’s dead asleep. His notes don’t always make sense when he reads them with fresh eyes in the morning, but when they do, they’re always valuable material.
I have similar experiences. Oftentimes, ideas for essays come to me just as I’m drifting off to sleep. But of course, by that time, I’m too tired to get up, find a notebook, locate a pen, and laboriously write down the idea. And forget about getting back to sleep once I do all of that.
Fortunately, I sleep with my iPhone tucked under my pillow. So, it’s easy to just pull it out, open up Notes, and tap-tap-tap out whatever interesting thing I might be thinking about.
In fact, the iPhone has completely changed the way I approach writing, because my iPhone is literally never more than three feet away from me. I always have a way to record my thoughts, so the time at which I have these thoughts is now irrelevant. Because even when I’m in the shower, my iPhone always within the reach of my arm. (As long as I towel-dry my arm first.)
In an alternate universe, where I could actually succeed at carrying around a notebook, I still wouldn’t have it with me when, say, I’m standing naked in my bathroom and blowdrying my hair.
But I do have my iPhone. Which is exactly why I remembered to write this post.
Friday, March 6th, 2009
Everybody has different measures of success, but I’m only going to talk about the material ones today. For some it’s a house or a nice big salary, for others it’s fame, and for others still it’s a Ferrari or a personal plane.
For me, it’s much simpler than that.
1) Food Acquisition
Acquisition is not preparation. I enjoy cooking, especially with and/or for other people. That part is fun. It’s the going to the grocery store part that I despise.
When I’m intensely focused on something (which is all of the time), I can hardly remember to do normal, human things like, you know, eat. So, when I finally do realize that I’m hungry, food needs to be ready and waiting for me to prepare and promptly consume.
And it’s not just that I can’t be bothered with the acquisition of food. It’s that I am literally incapable of it. Acquiring food is an activity that I find acutely stressful and time-consuming. My life would be significantly better if I didn’t have to do it, and I cannot wait until the day I can afford to pay somebody to do it for me.
2) Laundry
This is another part of life that I know people just have to suck it up and do, but really, honestly, it’s something that I’m largely unable to accomplish.
I think this probably wouldn’t be a big issue if I had an in-house washer/dryer, but I’m not yet at the point in my life where that’s really an option. So, the whole sorting, separating, saving-all-of-your-quarters thing is too much for me to handle. Not to mention desperately hoping somebody doesn’t steal my favorite pair of jeans.
I hate laundry so much that I actually have a persistent personal mission to purchase new pairs of underwear. All the time. Because, really, I have such a ridiculous amount of clothing that I could probably dress myself for like an entire year without even wearing the same thing twice. So, the only time I am actually forced to do laundry is when I run out of clean underwear.
I’m probably up to about a hundred pairs, so currently, I only have to do laundry about once every three months. Score.
3) Chauffeuring
I used to love to drive. I guess I still do, if it’s a pretty day on an open, mostly deserted road. But after getting into a fairly serious car accident a few years ago, I am a much more nervous driver now.
But I still love being driven around in a car. Really. It’s relaxing for me to collect my thoughts and gather myself. Especially after the last two years of riding on public transportation, I crave that feeling of spending some quality alone time with yourself in your own personal bubble of your car, before you have to get on with the day and start interacting with people.
I’m also addicted to the feeling of constant motion and changing scenery. I think this could be contributed to the fact I spent a LOT of time in a motorized swing as a baby, but it’s also a pretty apt metaphor for how I live my life.
In any case, going to the extent of hiring a private driver isn’t really required. I just mainly like to rely on my boyfriend to take over the responsibility of driving and transport me to-and-fro. In return, I always offer good conversation, great music, and navigation assistance.
* * *
And that’s it. Three stupidly simple things.
Maybe this all sounds trite. To put it into perspective, I probably won’t ever need a secretary or a personal assistant. Because daily life activities like answering email, scheduling meetings, and making phone calls simply do not ever stress me out.
To each their own. I know that those might be the bane of other people’s lives, but they’re not the bane of mine.
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
One of my favorite books is The Truth Machine by James Halperin, which details what the future would look like if there was a truth detection device on every person’s wrist that infallibly indicated whether they were telling the truth. Though it may not be worn on our wrist, I think the effect of Facebook achieves the same purpose.
In describing our relationship with relationships on Facebook, people might say “it’s complicated.” However, it seems pretty simple to me.
The truth is, if it’s on Facebook, it’s truth.
Think about it. For instance, everybody knows that it’s not real until it’s on Facebook. So, it’s not really a relationship until it’s proclaimed as such on Facebook. When recently asking a friend about a new love interest, he said they were dating, but weren’t “Facebook serious” yet. It’s a big deal to be serious enough to put it on Facebook. (People not on Facebook need not apply.)
My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for about four years now, but last year, when we got serious again, we had the DTR (or, “Define The Relationship” for the uninitiated) conversation on the phone. We determined that we were indeed together, and ultimately decided that Facebook needed to reflect that we were together. So, the conversation ended with him telling me: “Let’s see who gets to Facebook first.”
Similarly, I know that if people are dating somebody and it isn’t quite “Facebook serious” yet, they change your relationship status to reflect the ambiguity. “It’s Complicated” might suffice, or oftentimes, just removing the status completely. My generation is defined as much by what they don’t share as by what they do share.
I have a handful of friends who have gotten married over the least year or so, all of which had updated their Facebook relationship status to reflect “married” before they left for their honeymoon. Sometimes even before they had left their wedding! Obviously, it’s not official until it’s on Facebook.
I wonder if anybody has ever asked someone to marry them via Facebook. You know, like, “This person would like to enter a relationship of marriage with you. Can you confirm that you want to be married to them?” I know that when a couple gets engaged, it shows up on the news feed as something like, “So-and-so have gotten engaged and they would like everybody on Facebook to know!” If Facebook is going to act as the digital engagement announcement, they should at least let you customize the text.
Conversely, you aren’t really broken up unless you’ve broken up on Facebook. (Enter the sad little broken heart icon that shows up on the news feed.) In this case, it just doesn’t feel real until you’ve clicked cancel, and then selected “Single” from the drop-down menu.
Back in the dark ages of Facebook (see also “TheFacebook.com”), I once broke up with a guy via Facebook. I found out later that by ending the relationship on Facebook, my newly exed boyfriend received an email that said, “Melissa Sconyers has canceled your relationship.”
I would assume verbiage for such is a bit more politcally correct now, but I don’t want to find out.
© MCMXCIV-MMX Melissa Sconyers